Unexcused Absence

I shouldn't think this is funny, but I can't help it. This is outright hilarious.

I have this student who almost never shows up. He's really nice, his English is horrible, and to make it worse, he stutters, but really he's quite enjoyable. I have a rule that when you're late, you have to sing a song in English, and he really hams it up every time. It's great! He has really strange behavior, but not the creepy kind of strange behavior, more like the kind that makes you pee your pants laughing. Well, today topped the cake.

He gave me a "written self-criticism" which I had never heard of until I read this book about the rise of communism in China. Apparently, from what I gathered from the book, if you were a communist in the 40s and 50s, and you did something "bourgeois" or anything else the party frowned on, you had to make a certain amount of self-criticisms in front of the other party members.

Anyway, I will let the note speak for itself. I have not edited the grammar or spelling, this is verbatim.

Written Self-Criticism

Dear Besche Teacher:

Today, I was with the guilty to write something to you to express my sorry for the absenteeism last friday
Just go back in the class, you already [crossed out - stree] stressed that all of us should not late, not absenteeism which the words are still ringing in my ears. Recalled that, at present, I know no reasons can be set up to, because all of these [Crossed out - onl] should only be attributed to me.- the "LAZY", which mix my trip on studying En-glish. I also fail to meet a modern understanding level of the universal students

Now, mistakes have been established, I think they are because of:
1. Low awareness of such important issue, also failed to take action to really practice
2. Peacetime life style purity.

So, I decide to take the following point: develop learning plans and overcome life lazy careless short-comings, a challenge to be good in the following days to make up for my mistakes.

Yours student
[I won't share his name]

Keep in mind, this was hand written on the back of scrap paper and folded in half. Really, it's hilarious. My favorite part is "Dear Teacher Besche" hahaha. I also appreciated that this covered only Friday's absence. I wonder if he thinks I haven't noticed the other dozen or so.
I don't intend to punish or praise him. I wish him luck with the tests and I am not changing my grading system for absences, self-criticism, or not.
Although, I may consider giving extra-credit if he can explain to me what in the world "Peacetime life style purity" is.


: )