Then I was sick to my stomach for three weeks.
Translation - I was miserable.
Every day was an "I hate China"day, an "x-number of days 'til home" day or, at best, an "I'll finish my contract, but not a second longer" day.
I spent my sick/recovery period creating my own American oasis. I became very good at swimming against the tide, or more appropriately, cooking against the reality of limited ingredients. Thanks to Metro, iTunes, and Facebook, I successfully avoided jiao zi, shopping in Chinese stores, and sadly, interacting with Chinese people. I dramatically swung the pendulum from one extreme to the other, from one hemisphere to the other. I conquered the impossible: being two places at once. I was here, but really, I was there. And as much as I hate to say it... I really enjoyed it.
I bought and listened (twice) to the Audiobook of Rob Bell's latest contribution to the emergent church, Sex God (highly recommended, by the way), learned how to make poppy seed chicken (!!!) and I slept a lot. "When in Rome...!" turned into "Oh, I want to go to Rome! ...or Paris (I am still considering taking lessons and the Alliance Francaise) or basically anywhere with food that doesn't hurt my stomach!" For the first time in my life, I became a true (figurative) flag-waving, proud to be a card-carrying, non-sense ranting American Patriot, exclaiming such incoherent rhetoric as "America is the best country in the world, and I don't care about its problems, they are the best problems in the world! To Hell with anyone who lives in America and complains, they can LEAVE!"
A few of my friends noticed my disdain for all things Chinese, and asked "Aww, are you homesick?" to which I truthfully responded, "It's not that I miss home, it's that I don't like it here, I'm China-sick!" And I do remember expressing my disappointment with God as "God! The reason I didn't want to come to China in the first place was because I thought it was going to be like this! But you said go, so I went, and you let me down! UNFAIR!!!" Oh yeah, and there was the occasional, "So... I'm already going to Heaven. What do I care if these people go with me or not?"
Extreme, I know.
The only thing I didn't enjoy about bringing America to China was the really bad attitude that came with it. It really sucks to not like where you are. It leaves you with limited options 1) Stay and suck it up 2) Leave and try your luck elsewhere.
Trust me, option 2 was beckoning me like Forbidden Fruit. I used to be really judgmental of Adam and Eve, but now I have so much more sympathy. I actually started job-searching online, and I was perpetually thinking "Ooh to just go home, to sleep on a bed that doesn't feel like the floor, to eat a turkey sandwich and cheese fries, to eat anything and not feel sick, to walk down the street and at cherish at least the possibility of seeing a cute guy, to live in an apartment with central heat and air, to be in a place where hocking a loogie is generally taboo- especially indoors- Oh, to drive my car, breathe fresh, unpolluted non-city air, to blend in, to never deal with Ms. Jia's incompetence again, to watch trashy reality TV and sit on a couch that doesn't hurt, TO DRINK REAL MILK, to sit down when I use a public bathroom, to not have to carry around my own TP, to not be confused all the time, to buy something and not feel liked I'm getting ripped off for being white, to not be afraid of getting robbed - again - to not need a translator... oh, the list goes on and on!
BUT... I'm not a punk. I'm a disciple with a calling. I'm a daughter with the most faithful Father in the world, even if I almost never have any idea what He's up to. Alas, the final verdict is option 1, with a focus on BALANCE.
I'm only a few days strong on this new leaf, but it's going well. The best news is that I feel like I have my personality back! Hooray! I missed my generally-positive self. I have started taking multi-vitamins that I (thankfully) happened to bring with me. It helps restore what being sick all the time depletes me of, so I have my energy back for the most part too.
The highlight of my newly rediscovered vitality was bowling with a bunch of friends after international fellowship this Sunday. Someone suggested bowling, and I thought, "oh, this ought to be interesting... bowling in China..." Come to find out, it was JUST like home! Funky red and gray bowling shoes, AMF logo'd lanes, confusing archaic video-screens and all! They even practice bowling courtesy where you don't bowl at the same time as the person in the lane next to you!!! I LOOOOOVE unwritten social laws and courteous behavior!!!
After a few frames, I noticed everyone was doing exceptionally well... my friends, the Chinese, and... shockingly, even me! Come to find out, the lanes are shorter, so it makes everyone bowl better! SWEET! A classic American pastime that's even better in another country! Afterward, we went back to Heather's place and played a mean game of speed scrabble with two Americans, two Africans, and a Swede. Again, I had an edge because half the players spoke English as a second language!
So... no more fully embracing China, no more totally avoiding China. Just BALANCE.
I'm letting a few bad habits die:
No more giving dirty looks to people who stare.
No more yelling back at the lady who hangs out the window of the bus and yells in Chinese. (MAN! She's obnoxious though...)
No more taking pot-shot criticisms of Chinese everything.
I'm standing my ground on a few nonnegotiables though:
I reserve the right to be disgusted by spitting and smoking.
I am prepared to spend the bulk of my salary at Metro and not feel the need to explain myself.
I will continue to spend way too much time online, and indulge in the few TV shows I can find.
I'm just going to enjoy it while I'm here. I'm going to look on the bright side:
I can have a custom-made wardrobe for dirt cheap. I have 3 pairs of pants and 2 coats in the works as I type!
The massages, obvi.
I'm finally learning how to cook.
There are even two kinda cute, kinda funny, Jesus-loving foreign guys... and they're roommates, how convenient!
I actually found somewhat suitable milk. It's called "Presidente Milk" and it's either from France, England, or Australia- one of the three, I can't tell- and it may or may not actually be from a cow, it's cold, but it has an uncomfortably long expiration date, and it definitely doesn't taste like Lewes Dairy, but it is the most reasonable facsimile available.
I just found out that I can take KUNG FU LESSONS!
My Chinese lessons are going well, and I practice my French with the Africans from church.
I'm making new friends like Caitlin, who's having a baby soon, Megan, who's also a francophile, and Elizabeth, who also has severe stomach vs. China battles, Tina, who goes running with me, the twins, who are... amazing and adorable and unbelievably helpful.
The Pink Lights are going well.
It looks like I probably will be going home for the break
To be honest, I'm still essentially closed to the possibility of staying for an extra year. I hate limiting God that way, and to be really honest the only reason I hate saying it is because I don't want to jinx myself. I don't want to be determined not to do something and have that be exactly what I'm called to. So I'm pretending to be open to the idea, but really I'm not. Besides, I'm not thinking about the future anyways, I'm enjoyig "now," right? Isn't that what I have been going on and on about for 15 paragraphs?
Man, this is hopeless! haha...
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